Saturday, August 20, 2011
I do miss you, my dearest Alvin Quek.
I miss the little things you do but I am angry the way you handle things now. I know I cannot blame you for doing such things, I really hope that we can sit down and clear all the misunderstandings we have. Maybe it is because I don't know how to express myself using my words. Maybe it is because I don't know how to express myself using words but I am sure my actions have shown that I am willing to change for you. I am really ready to give you all I can because I truly believe that we can give each other a chance to try out and in fact do what had not been done better.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
I miss the everything you do for me.
I miss you, I really do.
Friday, August 12, 2011
It didnt strike me so hard that I have been such a perfectionist in life. I have to thank my best friend, Huei Ping for knocking some sense into me just a few hours ago.
I, myself dont even know I am as such until this important friend of 12 years reminded me of how I expect things to be perfect and how I force my ideas of life across to people close to me. If you ask me who shaped me into who I am now, I am really unsure. Was it because of my unhappy childhood? Was it because of how I was being brought up and how people around me treated me? I don't know. Ping told me that it might be because of my past. My past caused me to have the desire to move forward and ahead to outshine the others- to show the others that I am not weak in fact, I am strong enough to brave through many difficulties.
I am proud to show all my progression over the years. I was the last in class in Primary 6. I made it to a decent Secondary School. I progressed from there to do a Diploma in Science and found that it is still not enough. I went ahead to apply for a teaching position with MOE. Life wasn't easy from the start. I fought hard to where I am now, as a teacher.
Along the way, I paid no notice about the things that were happening around me. I asked my best friend to continue to study without realising what she wants and need. She was truthful enough to tell me that she thought that I was a little irritating when I asked her to continue to study and not to continue with life only with a Diploma. I didnt know that this was in her thoughts until today, 12 August 2011. Ping, I am glad that my words knocked some sense into you and I am really happy for you as you are now on the way to completing your degree.
I pinned hopes on my bf. I want him to be a successful man in life. This indirectly cause stress and strains in his life. To me, I thought he was mine and he only belonged to me. I wasn't happy when he goes out with his friends, I wasn't happy when he told me that he was tired. I complained and complained. I complained that he is not good enough for me because he doesn't spend much time with me. I even doubt his sincerity when he said that he was ready to get married. I didn't know what he wanted. I neglected his needs- his needs for friends and games (his all time favourite). Having thinking through about what had happened, I really think that this has to change. The love he had for me was too much, too much. I realised that he tried to enter airforce because I told him that it would give him a bright future. I asked him to go for his degree, instead he went for certification because he knew that he might not be able to make it through the degree and didnt want to waste the money. Still, he assured me by showing me the never-say-die mentality. That's my man for you. To him, he just want to be happy. He is contented with what he has. Because of me, he strive to work hard for a better future. He did these all because of me. He loves me very much.
I can never forget the sweet little things he does. He will always make sure that breakfast is ready when I stayover at his place. when I have sore-throat, he will make sure that I have my medication and will make my favourite pipagao drink even when he is super tired. When we go overseas, he will make sure that he fills the bath-tub with water because he knows that I like to soak myself in the tub. He will also take care of the money we have. He doesnt mind if he doesnt get anything. He will make sure that I am happy during the trip. He will try his best to make sure that I get everything I wish for. I told him that I want a diamond ring. He bought me a diamond ring. I told him that I want to settle down, he got himself ready to settle down. I told him that I want flowers on my graduation, he went to Jurong Point and bought me flowers. I told him that I want the graduation bear. He bought me the graduation bear.
This is how much my bf loves and care for me. What did I give him in return? Nothing. Nothing compares to the love he gave and showered me.
Life cannot be a bed of roses. We, as humans make mistakes. I expected people in my life to live the way I want them to live. I didnt consider how they felt because I always think that what I think is always the best for them. I have unconciously made mistakes which are deadly and unforgiveable.
I didnt know that I have been such a lousy gf all these while until my best friend tells me so. I do not know how much hurt and pain I have inflicked in my friends throughout the years. I feel so guilty because I know that my friends and bf have always been there when I need a shoulder to cry on or when I meet with difficulties.
I might not be perfect now. I will try my best to let go of my views and perspectives so that I will not be so hard on myself and the people around me.
Thank You, my dear friends (Shi Qin, Huei Ping, Huiyin, Cheewan, Joyce, Sandy, Deb, Charm, May, Joanne, LC) for being there for me all these while. Sorry for being such a lousy friend. I will learn to become a better friend.
Thank You, Baby for loving me for who I am. I have realised my mistakes and will promise to change for the better. I will respect you and give you time to cool down. Please don't give up on me for I really love you.
All from the bottom of my heart,
YY
joy
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Other than being with Mr. BF, I dont find joy in life anymore. My life is about him and only him. He is my friend, my lover and husband. He is like my pillar and my strength to move on in life. It has been 5 going on to 6 years and this is the worse quarrel ever. I don't want anymore quarrels. I want him to hold me to truely say that he loves me.
I find it so devastating when he told me that he is tired but is willing to try. He used to love me whole-heartedly.
I really don't want the relationship to end. He is my everything.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Hello!
It has been a LONG LONG time since I have blogged. Let me update a bit about what had happened over the 2-3 months.
I ended my practicum on 6 May 2011.
It was a BIG torture for me as there wasn't hand-holding for English and I was given a low-ability class. The most niao thing that happened was my EL CT actually apologised to me on the last day of my practicum for not being able to be able to help me. seriously! what have I done to deserve such treatment. It is not even a bloody CREDIT! -.-
I reported to my new school on 23 May 2011.
MOE posted me to Mee Toh School- a Buddhist school. I am quite happy with the posting because it is going to be near to my new place at Punggol Crest. :) The school will turn single-session in 2013. I hope to move in by then too! (so that I dont have to travel to Punggol early in the morning.)I am given a Primary 1 class to teach. The children are so adorable. I wanna bring them home to show my parents how cute are they. Of course, they do get on my nerves in class most of the time. HAHAHA
NIE released results on the first or second day of meeting. (1st week of June holidays)
I wasn't offered the crossover programme because of my poly grades. I thought I scored quite well for this piece of Diploma. I really deserve to die for choosing something I wouldnt do well in after my 'O' Levels. I appealed many times but to no avail. Wells, after this incident, I really learn that the world is damn cruel. They will look at your past and decide your future.
In NIE, we always learn to not stereotype or look down on a child because of what they had done. These are all nonsenses! NIE looks at my past and decides my future. Because of my poly grades, they rejected my appeal to crossover! PUI!
NVM. I am over it already. All I want to do now is to concentrate on my job and then further study 2 years later hopefully with NIE to show them that I CAN DO IT!
During the June holidays, My family and I went to Taiwan for 9 days. I had a very fun time there.
The new school term has started. I hope the start everything afresh. TYY will jiayou! :)
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Practicum is draining.
I started the practicum hoping to get a credit.. now, I just wanna pass.
sighh
PRIVE@Punggol Field
Monday, January 17, 2011
The trip down to PRIVE made me &*^&*%&^% (no words can describe how I felt)
The unit is super pretty and its quite affordable considering the fact that it is a HDB launched condo.(it will be converted to a private property after 10 years) The only thing that was holding me back was the down payment part. In order to get the flat, we need to pay a cash deposit of 5%, which amounts to about 35k. (for a typical 4-room unit) Tell me where to find such money especially when the both of us just started out working and are NOT professionals. :(
I really like the unit, but it is NOT realistic! ><
BF and I decided to stick with our lil' nest at Punggol Crest, which would be ready 4th quarter 2013. (Hoping for it to be early though!)
Hopefully we can earn enough money to do up a nice renovation. (like how the showflat looks like.)
BAH! 2 years to 2013.. Nothing is planned for, nothing is done. ABIT SCARY! BOOO!
